• Wed. Apr 17th, 2024


Sep 3, 2017

Dear Teresa,
I am Grace and I am 27 years old. In this era of high unemployment, I was lucky to get a good job with the Bank immediately after NYSC in 2013. As an adult, I have been in and out of relationships and I am currently in one which has lasted for over a year now because the guy has been very understanding. My problem is that anytime any of my past or present guys asks for sex, my body runs cold because I am so scared of having sex since I don’t respond well during lovemaking. As a result of this, I have never had a satisfying sex life and I have never reached my sexual climax. Please Ma, why don’t I have the zeal to have sex? My continuous excuses to evade having sex made my previous boyfriends angry and unhappy with me and this is the main reason why most of them left me. But even though my current boyfriend quite understands, however the problem always makes me feel uneasy whenever we are together. Can I do anything to help myself get out of this love-jam?
By Text Message

Dear Grace,
Take solace in the fact that you are not the only woman with this problem because it also affects many other women. Depending on when you started noticing your own problem, it is an established fact that poor urge for sex can very easily be caused by the vagaries of life like anger, stress or anxieties. When these are persistent and continuous, they build emotional barriers against the pleasures of life which include the urge to have sex. If this your low sex drive is not a recent thing that you can attribute to work overload or other life problems, then your lack of desire for sex could be caused by your fear for sex because you always have painful sex. Such painful sex can be caused by the dryness of your vagina because you are not naturally lubricating as much as you should. Or it could also be caused by infection. Whichever one it is, you will need to see your medical doctor for proper medical checkup because it is also possible that your problem is the result of hormonal imbalance in your body. Finally, I sincerely hope that your current boyfriend is showing such understanding because he is fully aware of your problem. But if he is not aware of it tell him immediately because that will make him give you the necessary physical, financial and emotional support that will get you out of your present predicament.

Dear Teresa,
My name is Anthonia and I am 24 years old. I always enjoy lovemaking with my boyfriend but my problem is that I don’t climax when he does and this always leaves me wriggling and writhing in bed, unsatisfied and frustrated anytime I have sex with my boyfriend. My current boyfriend is the third in 4 years and this problem is the reason why I broke the relationships with the others. What is the problem and how can I sort it out?
By Text Message

Dear Anthonia,
Anyone of the following two things or even both of them might possibly be the cause of your predicament. The first one is that if your boyfriend does not adequately prepare you for the sexual act through foreplay before both of you begin the actual lovemaking, and then he will climax when you are still warming up. If this is the case, then to reverse the situation, you must sit down with him to discuss the matter. You must let him understand the importance of foreplay to you, so that he will know that all future attempts to jump on you without foreplay will be strongly resisted because making love is not just about him alone but about both of you. The second thing is that it is very possible that you are always tensed up during the act. In lovemaking, anytime you are tensed up, you never feel any pleasure. This is because when you are unnecessarily anxious; your body cannot feel erotic sensations and this clearly means your chance of climaxing is almost zero. If this is your problem, then you must urgently learn to relax yourself before and during the sexual act. If you do this, then climaxing will come much faster to you.

Dear Teresa,
My name is Kate. My problem is that I got married about 5 years ago and to my embarrassment, after my second childbirth, my breasts have sagged. Is this not too early to happen to me when I am not even 30 years old yet? How do I face my husband with flat breast at this my young age? Could you suggest anything that I can do to revive my breasts?
By Text Message

Dear Kate,
The fact that your breasts have sagged now should not bother you because every woman goes through that phase in life. The breasts of women are held up by ligaments which are elastic in nature but for a period of over one year when the woman is pregnant and breast-feeding the breasts are under the heavy weight of the breast-milk. By the time the woman stops breast-feeding and the breast-milk dries up, the ligaments do not usually go back to their initial state because over time, they have been stretched beyond their elastic limit. This happens to every woman and when it happens, there is nothing the woman can do to raise the breasts again except with the use of the brassiere. The only other option is through plastic surgery and that is too costly and as you grow older, the breasts will sag again. In the mean time, you have to live with your sagged breasts the way they are because that is what all women do. However, you can buy some fanciful lace brassieres to help you boost your ego when you see your lifted breasts in the transparent bra.

Dear Teresa,
I am Sophia by name and I am 16 years old. I am in SS2 and my boyfriend has just finished his WAEC exams. Please Ma, is it true that if lovers do not have sex, then that means they don’t love themselves? This is what my boyfriend always tells me but I have continued to refuse him sex because I am still a virgin. Please Ma is what he is saying true or should I give him sex because I love him. Please answer me.
By Text Message

Dear Sophia,
What your boyfriend told you is a lie. He purposely told you that lie in an attempt to blackmail you into giving him sex by making you feel guilty of failing to fulfill your duty to him as his lover. The truth of the matter is that as teenagers, what you feel for each other now is not love but infatuation. For this reason, if both of you have sex now, it will be out of youthful exuberance and lust. Therefore, do not give him sex because he has lied to you and because he wants to use that lie to play on your emotional attachment to him to give him sex. Finally, do not give him sex because it will not guarantee you of his lasting friendship since after enjoying himself with you he will leave you and move on to other girls.

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