THE COMMANDING 21ST CENTURY WIVES, WE ALL HAVE OUR WEAKNESSES TOO!
By Chucks Dominic Morsi
Hadley Chase puts it simply that;” … there’s no difference between two women in the dark”. You may wonder how or why? Usually, women have their similarities as much as they have their peculiarities and areas of strength and weaknesses. For example, hardly is there no resemblance found between two women or same fact about them, then Hadley Chase, again, want us to do an experiment to prove that fact that women are one and same. According to Hadley Chase, put two women in the same darkroom, seal up everywhere such that there is no room allowing any ray or beacon of light in, after some days, bring out both women and you are likely going to find out that even if they are not identical twins in appearance, but in character, they are going to be the same person.
Another shuddered shock you might likely have, is that, in desire, perception, wants and aspirations, though they may have various different descriptions, but their appetite for money, luxury, fashion, life of ease, (etc.) certainly, in that regard, they have everything in common. It is so, because they were created from one source – and by genealogy, they are daughters of Eve – the first woman and mother of the first race; Adam’s wife, from whom all women descended. And so, nothing changes; all-inclusive, women naturally have the same way of doing things (unlike men) they’re social extroverts and with other common traits in many ways possible. Men on the other hand, are normally pretty introverts, but their weakness is that, they get more personalized and sociable around women. And through women, you can see or discover sometimes the bestial nature of a man! Moreover, there’s this cliché that if water and oil are mixed together, they tend to separate, and at equilibrium they are in different strata. That is the world between men and women who for anything in this world is not ready to change who they are.
Of course, women cannot always be in different strata in common habits, and other distinguishing features usually common with them. In many ways, and in an idiosyncratic sense of it, all women are the same; short and simple. They nag and rebel at the slightest provocation. In most cases, the husband becomes the underdog! However, a very popular Nigerian pastor (Mrs) Funke Felix-Adejumo, The President Adejumo foundation, in an interview with a popular newspaper, once said that: “As a married woman, you are under the authority of your husband. You are not a slave, but make sure you honour, befriend and perform your marital roles so there won’t be any crisis… you must understand that no matter where you go, as a married woman you will always come back home. So, if you soil your home on your way out, you will meet it the same way you left it when you return. You have no right to export your Christianity (those of us who are Christians) to the outside world if you don’t put your home in order”. Candid truth, isn’t it?
Like an eccentric, most women have this way of deviating from what is normal and puts up sometimes, and in an unexpected way too, strange character, which might not be far from what other women somewhere unknown to you, is doing exactly the same thing. This and more, are some of the many complex situations their husbands (being the men) had to contend with. I mean those obnoxious traits marking a woman out as weaker vessel – let’s take it for granted. Already, Hadley Chase sees them as “same in the dark” and of course, women have their strong sense of character too, which in any case, makes them alluringly wonderful people with special virtues no man can match or be equal with. And we cannot rule that out.
Now, let me set the ball rolling by pointing out some variables in their weak areas.
Have you ever as a man come across (I’m sure you live with one already who continues to blow the fire so that smoke will be everywhere!)
I mean, a nagging woman who for insignificant matters, is will be ready to pull down the roof over your head; or maybe a woman, an idle talebearer who turn the whole town into rumour mill, yes of course, this and more are exceptions of a woman’s weakness. When an idle woman does not have much to do, she just mill out or roam around from house to house looking for someone to divulge a malicious gossip about a neighbour whose husband came back from work late last night and had a strange lady’s lipstick on his shirt unknown to him; consequently, the wife had found out, and now, she’s making a Mont-hill out of a tea cup! How could that possibly be your business in the first place! I’m just wondering. Proverbs 18:7, 8 says, “A fool’s mouth is his destruction, and his lips are the snare of his soul, the words of a talebearer are as wounds…” as a talebearer, do you know how many homes you have wounded through the words of your mouth? Rather than being nosy or intrusive in other women’s affairs, you could have also used that precious time to do better things for yourself. Or what do you think?
Be meaningfully engaged. Life is more important than peddling gossips.
Now talking about a nagging woman, really the way some women behave, often times, had made their husbands to elope. That is so, because you have made him: physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally deranged. Of it, he’s by no means, a happy man.
How could he be happy when already, his home, which ought to be his safe-haven, but as a tigress, you have made it a living-hell for him; coupled with the pressure of poverty, multiple responsibilities, drudgery of work and society, and other pressures of motives in his mind – there he is – contending with a nagging wife at home who often pressures him into chewing more than he can swallow. In the end, he suffers strenuous heartaches! In that case, you weren’t involved in making your marriage work.
Sincerely, why on earth, should a woman see her spouse go through emotional problems or stress and at the same time expects peace to reign in her home or have joy with his already wounded husband under the same roof?
Of course, you cannot eat your cake and have it. No man in his right-thinking mind would wish to accommodate a boisterous wife. Never! Otherwise, how does one excuse a situation where a woman for trivial and inconsequential matters, put poison in a husband’s food just because she wanted a reprisal for an act of a perceived injustice on the part of the man, was found to be adulterous in an extramarital affair; the woman who thinks she is very possessive of her husband, solicitously cuts his life short. Some of these realities or maybe in most cases, the matter was founded on mere suspicion, which she had towards the man and from such fear of infidelity or unfounded rivalry on the part of her husband’s supposed lover, you end up killing him! That is treacherous enough.
I don’t want to sound rude. But the truth here, remains that both of you share almost the same fate, in that, though he is dead, on your part, you become an untimely widow and your children becomes fatherless upon which, now you are left with a heavy burden and responsibility as a single mum struggling to survive through the sweat of your brow. So, what’s your profit after all? You see, a moment of anger is madness. And if not checked, can make you do things you will later regret. So, learn to be humane and tolerant in all circumstances.
There is no human misgiving that does not have human solution to it. In life, we will always have consequences for our untamed blunders. Think about it. For every action, there must be a reaction but let not your reactions become devilry. Primarily, everyone deserves love and peace of mind but like the Bible says in proverbs 14:1 “Every wise woman buildeth her house; but the foolish plucketh (destroys or pulls) it down with her hands”. But why would a woman for matters of differences, shoot herself on the foot? That’s absurd.
When a man for these reasons and more, decides to take a walk, it’s not because he does not love his stubborn, short-tempered and rebellious wife, sometimes, for the pains and stress he feels at home, he doesn’t have a choice, but seek love and peace of mind elsewhere. This is not selfishness; but most definitely, a choice to make sense out of his life.
Moreover, when a woman is always hot-headed, believe you me nothing good comes out of her heart other than hate, spirit of not forgiven, evil and mischief – and then a bunch of broken homes.
In a milder sense, a nagging or rapscallion and commanding wives can be sure and should understand that love begets love, fire begets fire. Good, everyman would always want to run away from fire, put side-by-side with this that the book of Songs of Solomon in his wisdom in chapter 5:6 paints a picture in his line of thought, says: “… I (wife) opened to my (husband) beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself, and was gone (because of much palaver): my soul failed when he spake (spoke): I sought him, but I could not find him (he’s long gone); I called him, but he gave me no answer”. Why? Silence, I think is the best favourable answer really to end those unnecessary squabbles. And being far away from you as much as he can is a best of option to avoid any exigency.
Moreover, Proverbs 21: 19 opines, “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than (live) with a contentious and an angry woman”. Can you beat that!
So, in the wake all of these, what have you learnt as a lesson? When you exhibit too much of violence, the thing to worry about is the fact that devil will help you. And by his help, you might become a murderer! How do I mean? Of course, when you continue to pressure him over what is not, till the point where he (your husband) can no longer enjoy peace but his health now jeopardized and eventually something happens and he dies, you have committed a crime of murder. Does that surprise you? You deliberately killed him and you know the result.
There was this story I read somewhere about one Ryan Holle serving in prison for murder because he loaned his car to his housemaid to go get food, his housemaid instead drove three people to another house, one of those people inflicted an injury on a fourth person, and that fourth person died. And proverbs 15:17 says, “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.”
Now, ask yourself, why do women often inflict injury in the hearts of their husbands leading to death as it were? Flimsy reasons: no food, money, girlfriend, woman friend… and so on. An immaterial excuse, the man suddenly develops heartache and dies because the wife refuses to cooperate. So, it is a common sense that, in as much as we have good, wonderful and great women out there, some are sheer evil and mischief-makers. Pardon my manners.
A woman dragging her home into the mud is unacceptable enough. Simple submission, understanding, respect and forgiveness are great antidote as much as a balm that can heal and negate any form of weakness that might find its way into the home. Therefore, good women are phenomenally characterized not by ill-temper or nagging spirit, instead, channel those energy you constantly exert into building a peaceful home and family where love and respect is supreme.
As a virtuous woman, you will do your husband good and not evil so that according to proverbs 31: 23 “her (your) husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.”
And verse 25 says, “Strength and honour are her (the wife’s) clothing; and shall rejoice in time to come.” Women, you have a lot to benefit.
As a woman, first you are the harbinger and a pillar of hope and strength for the family. You play both the role of a wife and a mother to your husband – and that is critically important – if you must have a blissful union. Good future only come to families where the woman plays a supportive role (not as second-class citizen) but as a companion, complementing her husband. But how unfortunate, things we see happening in many homes these days – one rancour to another and then final separation or divorce.
Humility, submission and absolute obedience (not slavish though) is very important if your love for each other must last.
So, constant logger-heads would only compound issues rather than solve problems. He may be going through challenges of life at the moment, which is of course peculiar to man, just be patient with him; fistfight, will continuing to fuel and threaten your home but prayers from a sincere heart will make all the difference. Be compatible. So, as a prudent and peace-loving woman, make your home a safe-haven where your husband would always be eager to run back to. For now, I take a bow; a word is enough for the wise.